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After all, isn't that precisely the lesson that life had patiently triedto teach her again and again? But that didn't quiet the butterflies a-flutter in her stomach, or loosen the screws of the imminent tensionheadache that suddenly appeared in each of her temples. I can't do this,Marcia told herself. I can't not do this, she countered. This debateraged for the better part of the afternoon.She checked the clock. There were still two hours before Phoebe's buswas due to arrive at the stop downtown. It hardly seemed possible toendure the next one-hundred-twenty minutes as fully conscious of eachpassing second as she was experiencing them now; if only she could beplaced in suspended animation until it was time to go and meet Phoebe.Marcia plopped down on the edge of the bed, still staring at the womanin the mirror, not daring to take her eyes off the image, as if herreflection might make a disastrous last-second wardrobe change and leavewithout her wearing too much lipstick or ridiculous. I never got round to it. My thoughts remained just that, thoughts. So, what were my thoughts? Well I fantasised about giving another man a blowjob. I did not find men attractive per se. I did not want to do anything else with a man. Did not particularly fantasise about being blown by a guy. It was the thought of sucking a man's penis that got me incredibly turned on. More turned on than anything else I had ever fantasised about. Those thoughts were with me for a number of years. Eventually I discovered chatrooms on the internet and this caused an explosion (in more ways than one!). I began to have cyber sex. That does not do it justice. I became addicted to cyber sex. I would take every opportunity to go online and share my fantasies with other guys. This exploration continually surprised me. I could not believe how excited I became when I pretended to have sex with guys as we swapped accounts of what we would do to each other. Over time I started to have regular sessions with the.
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